rainy days

The rain today is heavy...much heavier than I've ever seen it been before... whats worse is that its blowing toward the direction of my room and the rain somehow managed to find a way to splatter through the tiny gaps to destroy my Sunday laze in bed routine...

And weirdly through the chaos of moving drawers and looking for cloth to soak up the rain, I thought of you again...... the thought of having you around helping me. the thought of how you used to be next to me in everything i did. the thought of you lying in bed next to me as i soak the water up. the thought of hearing your voice telling me it will all be fine... have i not told this to you before... have you not asked me to tell you and assure you everything will be fine... but yet... have you once assured me that everything will be fine between us??? "I just want you to be happy"; "I just want us to be happy"; then why am i breaking down so many times in these span of 4 months... while you party your life away with new found colleagues/friends while i structure my future without you, seeking for alternatives and finding whatever desperate measures out. Repressed, suffocated, all i pray for is your return...

On a rainy day like today, you are the sunshine of my life...